A lesson learnt

29 Sep

Today I deleted every dating app from my phone.

Why? I hear you ask. Well three reasons…

1. I’m not looking to date. I’m not looking for a relationship, or to make new friends, I’m not even looking for casual sex. In fact I’m not entirely sure ‘what’ I’m looking for. Until I know what I want it seems pointless to be ‘looking’.

2. The majority of the guys I met on these apps did nothing to improve my rather cynical views on men in general. I’ll admit it, I’m a closet romantic. I’d like to believe that somewhere out there is a guy that’s my ‘one’, my soulmate, the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and who feels the same about me.

Not someone who’s looking for a quick fumble in the toilets, or a married guy who wants some fun on the side, I want someone who wants more than that. I want more than that.

And perhaps more importantly…

3. I found myself turning into someone I don’t want to be. A bitch.

I knew I wasn’t on these apps in any serious capacity and so I started viewing the people I talked to as mere entertainment. Something to amuse my friends and twitter followers with. Something less than human. I fell into the trap of thinking I was better than them and therefore I had the right to do this.

And then someone stepped in and sent me a few words that made me think about what I was doing. What I was becoming.

I’m sure to a lot of you that sounds rather melodramatic, after all, it’s only the Internet right? But actually, these guys are still people and I had no right to act how I did. I’m ashamed of myself. Sad but true.

So the fun’s over. Lesson learnt. And thanks to the person who stepped in and stopped me before I took things too far. We all need friends like that sometimes 🙂

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2 Responses to “A lesson learnt”

  1. Captain Shame September 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

    This modern online life encourages our narcissism. None of us are immune and we say we don’t judge and mock but we do all the time. That’s largely what people do on social media. I applaud your decision. I think it’s the right thing to do. I myself have also had enough and am trying to improve myself by winding down KIK and Twitter accounts. I think there’s a nicer world out there. Good luck with everything Lexi and don’t give up on the Romance. CS.

  2. Mina Lamieux October 1, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    I think you stopped for all the same reasons I have in the past. I put my accounts in hiding again because I’m simply not in the mood to actively put myself out there right now. I’m satisfied at this point in time. Eventually it will swing around again and I will open up my accounts and give it another go.

    Here’s the thing, maybe you didn’t enjoy becoming a bitch and it made you feel bad, that’s fine, but some of these men also need a wake up call. This reminds me of a post I wrote in regards to my own dating hazards. I said that in these dating sites, the majority of men are dicks waiting around for the first woman to say yes, and they treat us as such. So, don’t be so hard on yourself when these dating frustrations take the best of you.

    Am I saying that publicly making fun of them on twitter was a good call? Probably not. But don’t be so hard on yourself for feeling frustrated. I have been there many times. You’ll get back to it and you’ll be searching for your diamond in a sea of shit once more. But I can tell you, he’s out there. It sadly just takes a lot of time and patience and sometimes, it’s when you are not looking that the right answer comes your way.

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